


this isn't

by renonymousse



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Same-Sex Marriage, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 07:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15814458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renonymousse/pseuds/renonymousse
Summary: this aren't enough for both Renjun and Jeno





	1. enough

**Author's Note:**

> this would be a whole lotta twist

_**"I love you"** _  
  


_**"Huang Renjun"** _  
  


Fireworks lit up the cold december night   
  


Jeno hold one of Renjun's tinted crimson cheeks as he began closing the space between his and Renjun's svelte lips  
  


Jeno moves his lips in lithe way expressing his affection toward the older boy  
  


-

 

They stared at each other's bright eyes full of love, a lovely smile sharing with one another, a scene full of love that they both shared  
  


Renjun breaks the kiss, catching his breathe but not long after Jeno pulled him for another kiss ending it with a chaste  
  


They lock gazes, Renjun's hair brushed against Jeno's forehead, smile plastered at both their faces, not even spending a second to glance back at the people who are keep chanting woohoos   
  


It seems like they are in their own world where Jeno loving Renjun and vice versa are the only thing exist   
  


**_"I love you"_  **  
  


They mumbled under their breaths as people shouts were deafening  
  


-

 

_**"I love you"** _  
  


Jeno mutters every after kisses  
  


Jeno's stealed kisses were the best,  Renjun doesn't forgot to jolt up and do somersaults whenever Jeno steal a kiss at his cheek 

 

Whilst watching movies together cuddling on the couch, Renjun's face were buried into Jeno's neck and Jeno's head rest on top of Renjun's

 

Still while Renjun were eating popcorns, Jeno would shower him feather light kisses all over his face

 

Renjun would ask 'What are you doing?' and Jeno would shrug it off saying 'you're too cute'  
  


Jeno loves how Renjun would kiss his cheeks and he feel safe everytime he engulf Renjun below him same at Renjun who feel much safer too inside Jeno's arms, they're both cuddling spending their day after day being cuddled up by each other's warmth   
  


-

 

_**"I love you"** _  
  


Playing with Renjun's paint spreading it all at each other's faces and they would end up on the floor as they stumbled at one of Renjun's paint brushes on the floor  
  


toppled down Jeno on top of him, Renjun would lift his head up pecking Jeno's lips and they'll end up pecking each other's lips till their backs would sore laying on the cold floor   
  


Jeno used to hold one of Renjun's legs and squeezing it, sometimes rubbing it up and down   
  


Renjun loves the way how Jeno relaxed him by rubbing his arms while Jeno's arms wrapped around Renjun shoulder

 

He love all those simple things that Jeno does and everyday he fall harder for the boy 

 

And everyday feels like they are starting all over again from the very beginning   
  


After a 3 months married life   
  


This is more than enough for Renjun and Jeno


	2. not enough

_**"I love you"** _   
  


Jeno said closing the space between him and the older placing a short kiss   
  


_**"Good night"** _   
  


Jeno lay his back at the the right side of the soft bed beside Renjun, back facing Renjun as he carefully placed the blankets half way of their bodies   
  


Renjun closed his eyes   
  


'I miss everyday like the ones before'  
  


-

He woke up feeling the right side of the bed light, he bought his feet to reach the cold floor

 

He feels empty, as if something is missing and as he brought his feet inside the living room it feels heavy  
  


The ambiance of the place looks tiring   
  


It feels as if he transported into a new world, a whole new place  
  


He bought his right feet near the right as he stood in front of the living room's entrance

 

The only thing that could be heard inside he four-corner room was the heavy footsteps coming from somewhere

 

And the sound of it were certainly belongs to Jeno's   
  


Without turning his head at the aforementioned boy's direction the sound of the footsteps stopped, he felt arms slowly creeping in to hug his waist from behind   
  


It was Jeno, he leaned in at Renjun's small form placing his chin at the older's right shoulder  
  


They stayed like that for a while  
  


none of them bothered to pull away

 

until Renjun let out a sigh that seems like he's been holding back for a very long time  
  


His chest feels so suffocating like someone is holding him back from breathing properly  
  


_**"I miss you"** _

 

Renjun mumbled softly intending to only be heard by Jeno  
  


Words rolled out of his tongue leaving his mouth

 

he heard the loud pang inside his body  
  


Renjun pulled out from the hug and walked away, but before he walk farther away from it Jeno claw both of his hands at Renjun's shoulders, turning Renjun to faced him  
  


Without further a do Jeno pressed their lips together   
  


 Renjun battered his thoughts around his head  
  


Memories hit him hard again  
  


He reminisce how Jeno would kiss him   
  


How Jeno's simple 'i love you' every night makes him numb until dawn   
  


How Jeno's kisses would leave him thinking about it a hundred times before moving on, and it would feels like his lips was still pressed against Jeno for an entire day   
  


All of that feelings fades away like a dust in the wind taking it away   
  


Now Jeno's 'i love you's are now empty   
  


His kisses feels like nothing as if kissing moomin his favorite stuffed toy  
  


He faced the reality it doesn't move, it didn't talk, it felt nothing, there wasn't a connection between moomin and Renjun  
  


Now this is what Renjun feels with Jeno around him   
  


'Empty'


	3. tired

_**"I love you too"** _

 

Renjun replied back at him

 

These words were repeated a hundred times a day by both of them, every simple things they do inside the house they always shared those words.

 

But now seems different

 

Even if they repeated it for a thousand times they are both aware that there is nothing into it and that they were empty

 

Everything were different

 

Everyday seems so tiring for both Jeno and Renjun

 

And everyday Jeno keep his boost up when he was in front of Renjun

 

But then he gets tired

 

They are both tired

 

Renjun heave a deep sigh before turning his body at the boy on the other side of the couch, watching some hilarious talk shows as he laughed along

 

Renjun stared at Jeno for a very long time, thinking all over again about those decisions that made him stay up every night

 

He looked up at the boy's mesmerizing face

 

Jeno looked at him, he looks dead inside, Renjun didn't feel it anymore he didn't felt somersaults whenever Jeno looks at him with his warm smile and same pair of lovely little half moon eyes, but no he felt nothing.

 

_**"I love you"** _

 

Was all Renjun said, Jeno looked at him with a strange in his eyes

 

He can't speak

 

He can't speak at all

 

Renjun cried it was the most scariest thing in Renjun's life it was an emotional breakdown but Jeno, his Jeno wasn't here to calm him down and engulfing him in a safely warm hug as he felt being loved and assurance

Renjun hugged Jeno's huge form, he cried, he cried with this thing when Jeno didn't hug him back

 

Yes Jeno didn't squirmed inside Renjun hug, but Renjun felt the tense building up inside Jeno, that Jeno didn't feel like being hugged by Renjun and that he heard all the protest making by Jeno's loud thoughts. That is the reason why Renjun cried

 

Renjun must've been very emotional right now and the day after he came back.

 

Renjun wrapped his arms around Jeno's neck, but Jeno stayed still.

 

Renjun cried.

 

Every night he cried and that seems like usual thing for him now and that it has been a routine for him that he can't take away from his body like showering

 

And this time around it was more than painful it was torturing, he felt knifes daggers inside his chest as he dies slowly

 

Jeno didn't even bother to hug back

 

A sound came from his pocket and a quiet sobs Renjun made were the only thing that could be heard inside the humble home

 

Jeno pulled out from the other and as he stand up Renjun's weak and helpless form to fumble down the couch, didn't have the strength to sit straight back up, Jeno walked away he fished his phone out. Reading a message as he smiled

 

_From NaNa:_

__I'll be out wanna join me for dinner tonight baby?_ _


	4. leave

_**"Don't wait for me, I'll be back in an hour"** _

 

Was all Jeno blankly said, hurriedly searching for the car keys at the bed side table, putting his shoes on and slamming the door close

 

Jeno, that Jeno who Renjun loved for the passed three years left him all weak and fragile in a spacious room where they used to do a lot of things, where they explore new things together as they enjoyed themselves at each other's arms

Jeno left him crying, alone and sad

 

No, he's not his Jeno

 

He's not his Jeno

 

Renjun keep putting in his mind pieces together that his Jeno isn't the one who just left him there

 

The Jeno he knew would probably stay up late just to make sure he is okay and that there is nothing wrong, but either way Jeno would make him happy as much as he could saying "if you're sad, I need to be happy" "I'll make you happy" "you are one of the most important person in my life"

 

So that isn't the Jeno he loved, probably not his Jeno

 

-

 

_"I've missed you," Renjun, tugging Jeno's arm closer, engulfing the aforementioned boy into a warm hug_

 

_Jeno only smiled, hugging back the smaller one closer to his chest_

 

_"What do you wanna eat? I'll make us dinner"_

 

_Renjun cling his arm tangling it into Jeno's_

 

_"Anything would be better as long as I'm with you"_

 

_They became clingy, I mean not they but Renjun became clingy_

 

_And one could notice that it became different totally different from the one they used to have_

 

_Slowly and unobtrusive_

 

Jeno became different

 

Those kisses those hugs

 

Those loves and caring

 

It has been different

 

Even if Jeno would asked him if he had eaten that night for their every day where Renjun would stay up late waiting for Jeno to come home

 

It takes mere a week only for Renjun splash his senses out of his body that Jeno has been different

 


End file.
